night forty-eight

1 I wear a second-hand country a second-hand city apartment bed pillow blanket ability to walk across a park without checking under my feet without checking over my shoulder but Poland is not safe Lithuania is not safe Germany is not safe 2 I wake up from loud conversations behind the wall fuss jostling banging of doors I think /// there we go, the war is here too /// I roll over I try to fall asleep knowing that Moldova is not safe Romania is not safe Estonia is not safe 3 every night now I see the same dream in the dream I go to work in the morning I return in the afternoon I wash dishes I wash clothes I cook dinner I read books I go to bed and even in this dream Latvia is not safe Georgia is not safe Finland is not safe 4 to help myself fall asleep, I do simple exercises 1) I imagine two solid walls between myself and the window 2) I imagine myself behind a heavy metal door in front of which stands an oak armoire 3) I double-check my food supplies my drinking water and the contents of my emergency bag because Slovakia is not safe France is not safe Italy is not safe 5 having not found any safe areas on the map I wait out the war — in the second-hand time Translated by Valzhyna Mort

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