“I Am Trying To Live A Life I Do Not Understand”

Frequently, in conversation with others or in an incessant inner monologue, I try to imagine what a world after this, after this political crisis, after this historical paroxysm, will look like. I love two countries — America and Israel — which have, let us say, transformed themselves. I am rich in crises, overwhelmed by hopelessness and heartache the causes of which are so enormous I cannot fully fathom their implications for the world or for my conception of myself. My loyalties torment me. After October 7 a certain cohort that has since fragmented spoke wistfully of “the day after,” but even in those early weeks the phrase was an insult to human wisdom. The phrase itself has become a synecdoche in my mind for our outrageous lack of a proper understanding of what was occurring around us and what we have become.

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